I HAVE PEOPLE SKILLS!!!! WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE SEE THAT?!!!??!
It’s kinda funny talking to someone who’s read my blog. Its a bit of a collision of worlds, my internet persona colliding with the real world me (the biggest difference is i try to use bigger words online. chicks dig it.). Most of the time the person will tilt their head down, turn it slightly to the left, look up (actually, not many people look up...) at me smiling and say, “so, how’re the moles?”, which is slightly disturbing. I try to write about world exploits, poetry, engineering thought processes (pronounced pro-sess-ees) and other aspects of everyday life to provide the general public with a well rounded understanding of what goes on in my head and my life. its aimed to arouse the curiosity of the reader; to cause them to not only question who i am and what makes me tick, but to take a long hard look at themselves, search deep within their own hearts to find the person that God and psychiatrists love. and all they can ask me about is moles.
which brings me to my next topic. The updated score:
Moles: 4
Brian: 5
yup, thats right, i had a recent streak of 3 “points” (for the animal rights activists reading this, by point i mean the slow, painful, trapping of harmless mammals peacefully residing on my property. for everyone else, we’ll keep calling them points.) catapulting me into the lead of this game in which i am the only player capable of conscious thought, and therefore the only player aware of the current match. But instead of me recounting the booty shake i performed on my lawn to the amazement of my neighbors dog, which was expressed by rhythmic barking, consequently producing a more intense/rewarding booty shake, i’m going to do what every good Christian homeowner should do. i’m going to spiritualize the whole thing.
First, lets define the roles. I want to say i get to be God, but i’m a bit uncomfortable with that. I think i might make my property me. we’ll call the moles sin, the and the traps the Bible. in case you’re wondering, i do find equating God’s Word with a chunk of metal in this situation appropriate only because these traps are the sweetest contraptions i own, as i have said before. I’ll introduce more characters later as necessary.
As stated before, since i am my property, and my property has moles which are sin, by the property of communicability (i think), i have sin. This sin, while hidden from most of the world, is most definitely present and active on my property. i may try to put on a good front by mowing, trimming, keeping up my lawn, but the moles remain nonetheless, often without my knowledge. its only by the evidence of the moles that i become aware of their presence, as their telltale signatures left behind give them away. Also, when left unattended, these moles will spread to the neighbors through their underground network.
After starting, i think the roles need to be changed slightly. I (the homeowner) get to be God after all. My house/land is still me, but i think i might call the traps the Holy Spirit. And maybe i’ll call my shovel Jesus. (its actually a pretty sweet shovel) This means, since i believe in a triune God, that the homeowner has become a man w/ a shovel for one arm and a mole trap for the other. all analogies fall apart i guess.
**Side note. Please don’t be offended by my analogy. that’s it**
Alright, on with the spiritual growth. Obviously the homeowner is aware of the moles, since he’s the one that has to look at the piles of dirt on his lawn. Now his shovel serves a couple purposes. On one hand, (pun intended...) it can clear away the evidence from the lawn to leave lush and beautiful grass free to grow, whereas before it would have been smothered and malnourished. Also, the land becomes useful to the homeowner, providing him a premium return on his investment. [not that a) God would sell us or b) God only wants us for our resale value] So, this displays how Jesus can take the most sin-ridden human and clear away the debris and eyesores that we have, and present it to the Father (homeowner) as spotless.
Obviously the moles remain. So the second purpose of the shovel is to provide a means to remove the moles. For anyone that has trapped moles before, the process involves finding a main pathway, digging it up, and placing the trap. When the mole senses that there’s a breach in his/her network, they’re drawn to the open air to seal the previously nonexistent fissure in the tunnel system. With a properly placed trap, the mole crawls through the claws, trips the mechanism and gets creamed like last weeks corn. Parallel: Jesus is the means by which the Holy Spirit is able to enter us and weed out the sin. By continually allowing the Spirit to live in and through us, he is able to draw the sin out into the light and eliminate it.
Also, this demonstrates the interactions and separate but necessary ministries of the three persons of God. Without the trap, the moles would run free, regardless of what the lawn looked like. Without the shovel, the trap couldn’t be planted. Without the homeowner, the hole wouldn’t be dug, nor would the trap be set.
God rocks, especially since if he wanted to he could manifest himself as a guy w/ a shovel and a mole trap for arms.
See? there’s more to this than moles, dangit.
which brings me to my next topic. The updated score:
Moles: 4
Brian: 5
yup, thats right, i had a recent streak of 3 “points” (for the animal rights activists reading this, by point i mean the slow, painful, trapping of harmless mammals peacefully residing on my property. for everyone else, we’ll keep calling them points.) catapulting me into the lead of this game in which i am the only player capable of conscious thought, and therefore the only player aware of the current match. But instead of me recounting the booty shake i performed on my lawn to the amazement of my neighbors dog, which was expressed by rhythmic barking, consequently producing a more intense/rewarding booty shake, i’m going to do what every good Christian homeowner should do. i’m going to spiritualize the whole thing.
First, lets define the roles. I want to say i get to be God, but i’m a bit uncomfortable with that. I think i might make my property me. we’ll call the moles sin, the and the traps the Bible. in case you’re wondering, i do find equating God’s Word with a chunk of metal in this situation appropriate only because these traps are the sweetest contraptions i own, as i have said before. I’ll introduce more characters later as necessary.
As stated before, since i am my property, and my property has moles which are sin, by the property of communicability (i think), i have sin. This sin, while hidden from most of the world, is most definitely present and active on my property. i may try to put on a good front by mowing, trimming, keeping up my lawn, but the moles remain nonetheless, often without my knowledge. its only by the evidence of the moles that i become aware of their presence, as their telltale signatures left behind give them away. Also, when left unattended, these moles will spread to the neighbors through their underground network.
After starting, i think the roles need to be changed slightly. I (the homeowner) get to be God after all. My house/land is still me, but i think i might call the traps the Holy Spirit. And maybe i’ll call my shovel Jesus. (its actually a pretty sweet shovel) This means, since i believe in a triune God, that the homeowner has become a man w/ a shovel for one arm and a mole trap for the other. all analogies fall apart i guess.
**Side note. Please don’t be offended by my analogy. that’s it**
Alright, on with the spiritual growth. Obviously the homeowner is aware of the moles, since he’s the one that has to look at the piles of dirt on his lawn. Now his shovel serves a couple purposes. On one hand, (pun intended...) it can clear away the evidence from the lawn to leave lush and beautiful grass free to grow, whereas before it would have been smothered and malnourished. Also, the land becomes useful to the homeowner, providing him a premium return on his investment. [not that a) God would sell us or b) God only wants us for our resale value] So, this displays how Jesus can take the most sin-ridden human and clear away the debris and eyesores that we have, and present it to the Father (homeowner) as spotless.
Obviously the moles remain. So the second purpose of the shovel is to provide a means to remove the moles. For anyone that has trapped moles before, the process involves finding a main pathway, digging it up, and placing the trap. When the mole senses that there’s a breach in his/her network, they’re drawn to the open air to seal the previously nonexistent fissure in the tunnel system. With a properly placed trap, the mole crawls through the claws, trips the mechanism and gets creamed like last weeks corn. Parallel: Jesus is the means by which the Holy Spirit is able to enter us and weed out the sin. By continually allowing the Spirit to live in and through us, he is able to draw the sin out into the light and eliminate it.
Also, this demonstrates the interactions and separate but necessary ministries of the three persons of God. Without the trap, the moles would run free, regardless of what the lawn looked like. Without the shovel, the trap couldn’t be planted. Without the homeowner, the hole wouldn’t be dug, nor would the trap be set.
God rocks, especially since if he wanted to he could manifest himself as a guy w/ a shovel and a mole trap for arms.
See? there’s more to this than moles, dangit.
posted by Brian at 5:58 PM
1 Comments:
For some reason I am reminded of Army of Darkness where the guy gets a chainsaw for an arm, 'er something like that. I like the analogy, and yes all analogies fall apart at some point, but you gotta try.
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