Sometimes i wish i was from Texas. Then i see this.

Let me start out by saying that the hick-tastic picture above is a copyrighted image of the Texas Bigfoot Research Center. For all i know, posting it here could be illegal, so if i get some kind of an offical condemnation or rebuke or figurative whoopin', i'll gladly remove it and replace it with some of my own artwork. Again, not my property. Be very very careful with downloading and distributing this image. I've seen these guys on the learning channel, and in complete seriousness, this is the most dedicated, disciplined, and well camouflaged group of middle aged, slightly overweight, mustache-weilding men and women you are likely to come across. On with the learning.

As stated before, i was first exposed to the Texas Bigfoot Reasearch Center (TBRC) last weekend while watching The Learning Channel (TLC), during a brief visit to Seattle, Washington (WA). Naturally the sight of some of the shirt-sleeve-challenged members of this great country patroling the Texas wilderness with cameras and night vision goggles inspired some cyber-investegation.

All obvious questions aside (where the crap did these guys get night vision goggles?), i decided to check out the website. These are real accounts, real people, and a very real nightmare. All quotes are taken directly from the reports verbatim.

Palestine, Texas. 1998. As the witness was on his way to go fishing, nature called. The witness "pulled over before (he) got to the lake to urinate." As he "began to take care of business", he heard something rustling in the woods that was "too heavy to be a dog". Later, he would describe to the professionally dispatched TBRC investegator that the specimen appeared to be "wide and thick."

Obviously this is a reliable account, as evidenced by the word 'urniate' (thats 'pee' for the layman). An ordinary man would use ordinary language, but here the witness deftly navigates the english language with the ease of a seasoned scholar. It is also apparent that the witness has omitted a certain amount of unecessary detail to avoid confusing the public, or leading the investegator down a cold trail. I think its safe to say the next time you see or hear anything that is "wide and thick" and or "too heavy to be a dog", record your surroundings and submit it to TBRC. You've just become the latest eyewitness to Bigfoot, and have become the envy of millions of NASCAR fans across the country.

Anyway, thats one small excerpt. These don't need any extra commentary to be funny. If and when you decide to embark on your own investegation, you may come across terms like 'skunk-ape', 'wooley booger', or 'Big Cypress Swamp Monster'. Don't be misled. This is Bigfoot, our reclusive relative, our hirsute hedge-dweller, our bearded brother. He deserves respect, honor, and probably some more flattering accounts of his presence. Be careful out there.