So, I just got back from Croatia. I’m still experiencing a good case of jet lag (despite the controlled use of red bull and Nyquil) so hilarity may or may not abound in the following blog. I’ll do my best, but what I think is funny may simply be a byproduct of my temporarily altered state of mind. (if anything, the picture of me sitting in front of my computer giggling like an idiot at myself should satisfy you somewhat).
Anyway, I’d like to start with one of the stranger aspects of the trip. the english. Not the language, but the people that drive on the wrong side of the road displaying rotting teeth and declaring “jolly good” when they see the constable reprimanding the chap that neglected to wait in the queue that they themselves are waiting in. So, my last night away from the north american continent, i spent my time wandering around cambridge england, taking pictures of oddities, and thinking up the following list.
How to be english:
1. stop brushing your teeth. (this is common knowledge, but needed to be said).
2. when a word ends with an “r”, (ie. fair, or “or”), don’t say it. replace it with an “h” (fair becomes fa-ah, or become o-wa). In fact, this goes for a lot of consonants. British becomes Bri-ish, that becomes tha. also, vowels are generally pronounced wrong (a = i, i = e, o = eh, etc. i do stress that this is general, not absolute). Paper --> Pi-peh.
3. When an american approaches you with a friendly smile and asks “hows it going?”, don’t respond. in fact don’t acknowledge them at all. hopefully they will realize by your silence that they have breached a well known Bri-ish cultural norm in their ignorance, and will most likely address you with a more proper greeting (Eh-low!) **As a side note, this greeting is far more effective when sung, similar to the nurse when she pulls down Harry Black’s pants in Evolution**
4. follow up any statement about someone with a “he is” or “ she is”. ie. “Shae’s a chaekae li-el bugg-ah, shae ees” (translated, “she’s a cheeky little bugger, she is”)
There are many more, but thats all i’ve got right now. onto the pictures.
This ones probably one of my favorites. If you look closely, in the foreground there is a shop with shirts and such. in the background (which can’t be seen due to low lighting and photographer incompetence) is a charming bookstore, which also happens to be the oldest bookstore in the country. Placed directly in the middle is the cutest little surgery shop in cambridge. thats right, trinity street surgery. buy a book, get a limb chopped off, buy a new wardrobe to compliment new body stylings.
this one speaks for itself. the subtleties of bri-ish advertising weren’t lost on this ignoramus.
St. Andrews chariot parking space.
When i saw this on the map i laughed out loud. then i noticed Christ center, magdalene way, and Jesus green. isn’t it more proper to say “Jesus’s lane”? i mean, its not like Jesus lane is so catchy that you’d be sacrificing the street’s notoriety or anything. (“ehbsowlewtlaee noh!”) i guess we name streets “meghan way” and “lincoln street” over here, so maybe it’s not so weird. but it sure doesn’t roll off the tongue.
One last sign i thought was funny. i actually got a dirty look from a guy when i took this picture. who’s laughing now? well, i am. but then agian, i’m delirious.
it's racial.
One more story. when i was riding the train, the chap that was checking tickets would approach the passenger, and say “thank you” with his hand held out. apparently this is the proper way to request that someone show their ticket. its a good thing i’m not bri-ish. i have a hard enough time understanding americans.
well thats it for the english. i should say that there was one friendly lady at the hostel i stayed at that was quite cheerful. so not all of them are jerks. but they do all talk funny.
hopefully i’ll be able to post more croatia updates in the future. i’ve got a ton of pictures to go through.
